A while back I was told told that I looked as if I wasn't content. My facial expressions, my movement throughout the building, my limited interaction... Basically I was told that I behaved as though I didn't want to be in the building anymore. "If you're as great as you think you are people need to see it. I'm not saying you aren't great, but how will anyone know what you're doing if you don't display it." When this was said to me, I didn't know whether to feel disrespected or take it as a challenge.
I've expressed my desire to be a teacher-leader in more ways than one. I've asked to mentor. I've left my door open to teachers in my building and invited them to come talk, vent, or ask questions. I've offered myself and my services to anyone who would be willing to use me as a resource and the door has been closed in my faced constantly. It has only been recently that an interest in my "leadership" skills and personality have come back to the forefront of conversation because I gave up trying to spread my wings in the building in which I work. I was told that I would have the opportunity to work with a teacher at the middle school level to help her hone her skills, but a concrete date was never given.
I distinctly remember saying to the person that told me I looked and behaved as if I was discontent that I felt as though I was no longer useful in the building. Granted, I know that I have a place and purpose with my students, but I don't want to limit my skills to the classroom with the kids. I know I'm destined for so much more. I remember saying that I've asked for positions. I've asked to be of assistance. But what I wouldn't do was wait for someone to think I was worthy of a position- I'd take one or make one.
With that being said, I'm stepping out on faith. I'm going to start a business that will allow me to do on my own what I was begging others to allow me to do. My goal has always been to help help future/novice educators. There were so many times in my career that I needed advice and guidance and I want to be able give those things to others. Not only do I want to be of assistance to educators, but I also want to continue with teaching students.
Educators are not given enough autonomy in their classrooms. It's as though we aren't trusted to make decisions that are in the best interest of the kids. If we had the opportunity to teach in the ways that would truly best benefit our students, we would definitely see greater and faster improvement within the educational system. And that is what I want to do- I want to take control of my career. And I am going to. I have something so great up my sleeve. I'm scared. I'm nervous. But I know I can do it, even if no one else believes in me.
I have a small support system in a few close friends and family members with whom I've shared my decision. They are proud of me and that is more than enough to get me going.